There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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