smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
