i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
