Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
