It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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