Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
