Don't make out with my wife yet
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
