His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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