sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
