I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
