wakey wakey hands off snakey
we're chasing vodka with high fives
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
