i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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