I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
