Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
