u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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