So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
