Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
