If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
