alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
