Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
