why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
