Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
