You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I love you.
Bad choice
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