This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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