Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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