...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
