I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My liver just had a heart attack.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
