she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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