Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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