Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
