Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The power of my boobs compel you
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
