The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk is not a location!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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