no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
