guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
