I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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