i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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