An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
