If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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