I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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