his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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