This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
