If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
