is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
