she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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