i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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