My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
