I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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