margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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