i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
