Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
