so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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